In my creative writing class, I had an assignment to write a "monologue" or "rant." We had several different options of where we could go with it. One of the options was writing what we believe in (as a creative monologue, not like a personal manifesto, so more like "I believe in softly falling snow" or something poetic like that), which is the option I ended up going with. Another option was writing a creative "revenge" against an enemy and entitling it, "My New Street Taunts: What I Will Do To You If You Cross Me." While I was playing around with the different options, I tried this one and thought it was super fun to write. So even though I didn't end up turning it in, I thought I would share it with you, and maybe write a little more of it for fun :-) (Just to clarify, it's not meant to be malicious against someone specific, it's just meant to be funny.)
I will enroll you in a large seminar that lasts several days on a topic that interests you. In front of you will be placed a large glass of your favorite soft drink that will be refilled each time you take a sip. There will be no pauses or breaks during the seminar, so you will have to repeatedly slip out the back door to the restroom, which will be nothing but a dirty port-a-potty in the construction area outside the building. Each time you leave, I will move your chair three inches forward. By the end of the seminar, all you will be able to think about is whether you will be able to overcome your physical discomfort in order to avoid the rudeness of standing to leave right under the speaker’s nose.